Divided Heart
by Lily-on-the-water
Summary: Edward leaves Bella a different person. More outgoing, mean, angry, and adventurous she never promises to stay safe. Without Edward she is lost, but will she find a new light in someone else? Or will she always be Edward's? Set during New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

His face was as hard as rock, his eyes betraying not even a shred of emotion. "Bella, we are leaving." Edward said one last time. My heart finally shattered. The one thread that had been holding it together finally snapped and my entire body went numb.

"Please," I begged quietly, knowing he would hear me, "don't do this to me. Please Edward." His eyes seemed to soften for a mere split second but hardened just as fast as they had changed.

"You aren't good for me Bella." My heart was broken into smaller pieces.

I couldn't argue, I knew that was true. Edward deserved so much better than me and he had finally realized that. "Ok," I barely whispered, "I wish you all the happiness in the world." Without looking at Edward's face one last time I clutched my sides and turned away.

"Promise me you will be safe." Edward called out to my retreating figure. "Not just for me of course but for Charlie."

My soul became bitterly cold. I felt nothing other than rage, my hurt temporarily overshadowed by rage and resentment. I chuckled darkly, my arms tightening around my torso so I wouldn't fall apart at the seams. "I don't make promises I don't plan to keep." I didn't walk towards my house, instead I walked towards my car, parked in the street. "Isabella! Think of Charlie," Edward yelled at me. The rage built up even more, and it began to boil over. To my horror, surprise, and flat-out amusement I lifted my right fist above my shoulder and lifted my middle finger in a fluidly graceful motion.

"You are exactly like every other boy out there," I whispered sure he would hear me. Getting into my car, I slammed the door shut just as Edward reached my door.

"Get out of the car," he said, his eyes lighting up with anger. But I wasn't going to complain, at least it was an emotion.

"I really don't think that's going to happen," I explained as I gunned it down the street. I could see Edward as a blur running at my car's speed dodging around trees. "Thought you said you were leaving, so just leave already." I said. I was almost positive he could hear me, being a vampire and all, but I couldn't be too sure. I drove for quite awhile before I saw my sanctuary.

Edward ran along side the car yelling at me to pull over. He had obviously figured out what my plan was. "Bite me," I said, not realizing the irony of that statement.

"Bella! Stop acting like a child!" I laughed at him and floored it down the road. Once I crossed the border line with the Quileute land I was able to slow down. I could see Edward standing at the border line, staring after my car. I drove all the way to the beach, sure to make it all the way there without breaking down. I didn't feel the tears yet, only a cold rage that filled up my entire being. I drove faster, pushing my car to its limit. I took turns far to fast and almost hit a tree, but I made it to the beach in one piece.

There was no sun, and for once in my life I realized how much I truly loved cloudy, cool days. Forks had changed me. I was not the same person I was when I arrived. Edward had changed me. I was not the quietly kind girl I was before, I knew that much already. I had become bitter in the last hour, and I hoped this change wasn't permanent. It was weird to feel nothing but anger towards Edward. I felt nothing but love towards the others, just Edward. He had used me, told me he loved me, that he would stay with me as long as it was good for me. But he had failed to mention he loved my blood and would stay only as long as it was convenient to him. I should have seen it coming, and in ways I guess I did. But instead of being the smart girl I used to be I fell for him. His perfect features, his smoldering eyes with their thick, dark eyelashes, his intoxicating smell, his melodic voice…

My body shut down, the hurt suddenly hitting me with all its force and all it's shocking side effects. Clutching my sides I fell out of my truck. My heart began pounding, and I thought it would force its way out of my chest. The pebbles shifted under my feet as I stumbled towards the water. I stumbled to my knees as I reached the water's edge and the first gut wrenching sob ripped through my body. My shoulders shook with so much force it felt like they were being ripped from their sockets. More sobs followed in rapid fire succession. My stomach churned and I felt dizzy. Vomit traveled up my throat and out of my mouth. I lost control of everything. I had lost the one guy I fell in love with. I was in a place that constantly reminded me of him, and all the secrets I had kept.

I crawled a few feet down the beach hoping to get away from it all, hoping that a miracle would happen and that numb feeling would come back. But instead I got a different kind of salvation, my world went black.

My eyes fluttered open, and were greeted by the sun setting. I rolled onto my back, amazed that the tide had never reached me, soaking me to the bones. My cell vibrated in my pocket, and when I pulled it out I had five different texts from Charlie.

_Bells where r u at? _

_Bells what's going on? R u ok?_

_Bells. Call me. _

_Bells I will raise an amber alert. Where are you?_

_Isabella Marie Swan if you don't call me you are perpetually grounded._

I dialed his number, testing my voice and manipulating it until I could pull of a cool tone.

"Isabella where are you?" Charlie practically yelled into the phone. I flinched from the volume of his voice.

"I am so sorry Charlie!" I said softly, trying to keep my voice even. "I went down to the reservation and fell asleep on the beach. I am going to stay at Billy's tonight if I can, alright?" I froze for a moment, wondering if I actually could. "If he will let me that is."

"I will call Billy," Charlie said before I could even process what I would have to do. "You don't sound too good so I want you to wait until Jacob picks you up."

"Dad," I countered, "I can drive." I found myself slowly losing control over myself.

"Bells I know what's up, the news is all over town." I stiffened waiting for Charlie to say his name. "So, no, you can't drive." We said our good-byes and I was thankful it was a Friday. I had no idea how I would make it through school but I would have to deal with that later. I slid my phone back into my pocket and pulled my knees to my chest. My eyes hurt from crying and my mouth tasted horrible, for obvious reasons. I lost all respect I had in myself. I had no confidence left in me. I was hollow and it was more obvious now then ever. The waves crashing against the shore brought no comfort. My world had stopped moving, but everything else had kept going. I was lost, and I knew it.

Losing track of time, I never noticed Jacob walking up behind me or even when he sat down next to me. I just cried, and cried, and cried. Jacob watched for a few seconds then put his arms around my shoulders. The next thing I knew I was in my truck on the way to Billy Black's house, Jacob holding my hand. Not once did he let go, and not once did he utter even a single word.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry for not updating guys!!! Been dealing with a lot of family related crap then school on top of it all. But I decided to make the best out of my 103 fever and TRY to get some creative juices flowing again! SO I don't know which pairing I want. Edward and Bella or Jacob and Bella, so I decided to open it up to a vote!!!! YAY VOTES^.^ So message me or review PLEASE!!!!! See, I said please, so now you know you want to do it. YOU WANT TO REVIEW!!!! .

**Chapter 2**

**Billy was waiting for us on the front porch. "Did anyone hurt you?" He asked, his eyes searching my soul, trying to discover the truth. I shook my head aware of how I looked. My eyes were red and swollen so badly it looked like I had gotten into a fight, my hair was knotted and tangled into an untamable puff on my head, and my face was even more pale than usual, which is really saying something. **

**The anger I had felt earlier was now just a pit in my stomach. It was squelched by an overwhelming anguish. Looking at Billy I could see the distress on his aged face. His deep set wrinkles held a wisdom I could never know. Eyes like piercing daggers he watched as Jacob pulled me inside and stood me by the window. The couch was transformed into a bed in just three minutes and Jacob made me lie down.**

"**Thank you Jacob," I rasped out. My voice was weak and scratchy from crying so much.**

"**Bella you know I would do anything for you," Jacob said. I realized this was the first time we had spoken to each other all night. "Did you want to be alone or did you want me to stay here?"**

**I thought for a moment. Before he had come I had been uncontrollable, been ripping apart at the seams. But when he had come, his presence was soothing, he made the pain slightly more bearable. "Please stay," I begged slightly, my voice cracking in the process. Jacob nodded, a slight smile playing across his lips. I scooted over as he lay down beside me on the bed. Jacob raised his arm and motioned for me to scoot closer. I obeyed and laid my head on his chest. Flashbacks of Edward and I together, my head on his chest, flew through my mind. Tears immediately sprang to my eyes and pooled over. I didn't move, but Jacob still noticed.**

"**Bella," he whispered soothingly, "it's ok. You can cry in front of me."**

"**I think I have done enough of that already." I said laughing slightly, all the while sounding numb and monotone. **

"**That's fine, Bella, I really don't mind." He wrapped his arm even tighter around my shoulders and gave me a reassuring squeeze. I slid my arm over his torso just as Billy rolled into the room.**

"**Bella," Billy coughed before continuing, "your dad is going to be stuck at work for the next two days, some homicide case, and wants you to stay with us until he can be home. Is that alright with you?" **

**I could feel his eyes studying our position, my head on his chest and arm around him, and I could almost see the thought process taking place in his head. On any other occasion I would have been a blushing mess and straightened up right away, but at this current moment in time I felt absolutely nothing except for the gnawing pain at the center of my being. "No," I said in a zombie-like voice, "that is fine as long as it's ok with you." I found no shred of happiness in me, even when Billy said I was part of the family and welcome any time.**

**Edward had told me that once upon a time, before he had turned into an unfeeling… my thoughts froze. I couldn't even insult him now. Every ounce of animosity I held towards him was diminished and I was left with nothing but agony. I turned away from Jacob and clutched my arms around my chest, the only way I knew how to hold myself together. **

**My actions didn't go unnoticed. No longer had I begun to realize I was going to inevitably fall to pieces had Jacob wrapped his warm russet arms around me. Until that moment I had no idea I was cold, but upon contact I was almost instantly warmed. "Jacob," my voice sounded mangled and hoarse, "why are you so hot?"**

**Jacob chuckled, "Well I have been working out Bells. And it has been paying off." I turned my head to look at him, a small smile plastered on my face. **

"**Jeesh Bells, don't smile if you don't want to. It's kina creepy if it doesn't reach your eyes." He paused and watched as my smile slipped from my face. Like wax sliding down a candle. I turned back to facing the wall again. "Bells, I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want you to turn into a robot. I've seen this before." **

**I continued to stare at the wall. Jacob's heat combined with lack of sleep made the sudden wave of exhaustion irresistible. As I coasted along the waves of unconsciousness I felt for the first time in hours, not peace, but genuine confusion, betrayal, and the full force of pain I was facing. **

**But still, not once through that night, did Jacob let go of me. Not once.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Alright, so this is my first attempt at getting into the sing of things. My dad is gone, but I can't let that ruin my writing regime. This is not my best work, but I figure getting back at it is better than sitting in front of a blank word document. SOOOO please review and say if I should continue or rewrite the chapter. Sorry it has been so long.**

Chapter 4

Jacob and I fell asleep on the couch, his arms still wrapped around me. I woke up with his arm pinning me to the cushion. His body heat practically suffocating me. I shuffled out from underneath him. My shoes sat waiting by the front door and I silently slipped into them and out the door. The lake was only a ten minute walk away. Ten minutes for me to fall apart.

It was cold and it was drizzling, but I didn't feel any of it. My insides were curling into knots, a constant source of pain. Ice encased my heart, and my mind was slowly edging into numbness.

The lake was dreary, the water choppy from the wind, and bleak clouds as far as the eye could see. The rain increased in intensity as I found a log to sit on. The wind howled and I felt it tearing at my body and clothes.

The way I saw it, I had two basic options. One, I could mope over Edward leaving me and ruin the rest of my life over it (which was very tempting and extremely easy to do). Or two, I could live my life and get over it.

...Could I ever get over him? He was the one who showed me how many possibilities were in the world, and he was my first love. Was it his fault that I wasn't good enough? Was revenge worth endangering me and getting in trouble?

My hands folded it together, my fingers twisting together. But could I let his lack of desire to be with me govern how I would live my life?

I was so absorbed in my own mind that I never heard Jacob walk up behind me. "I knew I would find you here," Jacob said suddenly.

I jumped at the sound of his voice. My heart rate picking up. "Yeah," I responded.

"Ok," Jacob said as he sat beside me on the log, "a slight improvement from last night." He folded his hands in his laps. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed heavily. There is not much to talk about," I began. My shoulders hunched foward. A feeling of slight ease blanketed my mind when Jake arrived. The warmth eminating from his body drew my closer to him. I began to realize how cold I was and realized the shivers that coursed through my body.

"Let's get you somewhere warm," he suggested. I turned my head to look at him, the rain plastering his shaggy hair to his face. His strong jaw was set in a stubborn way, he was going to make me leave to somewhere warm and dry whether I wanted to or not.

"Why? I don't care if I get sick. I just want to disappear right now," my voice trailed off at the end. Tears threatened to spill over and drown me.

"Because you are my friend," he explained. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. "Now we can go somewhere warm and not get sick, or you can stay out here in which case we will both get sick."

I rolled my eyes. "Nobody said you have to stay with me."

Jake's arm tightened around me. "Nobody said I have to, but I will anyways."

I sighed, my resolve breking down as I became accustomed to his warmth and my shivers subsided. "Fine," I said. "Let's go somewhere warm."

"Ok," Jake began, pulling me to my feet. "I figured you wouldn't want to see Billy so I found a place for us to stay that is away from the world. You know, to give you some time to heal without being watched constantly... by anyone but me."

I nodded, not actually caring. I knew that as soon as Charley found out that I would be told to come home anyways, and with my dad being the chief of police, I knew he would be told within hours. Jake broke my reverie, "I have all of your things in my car. Your dad dropped them off on his way to the crime scene. He said to have you text him when you found out so he could explain." He shrugged his shoulders, showing that he didn't understand my father's antics either.

I reached into my pocket and fished out my phone, the feeling of curiousity breaking through the numbness.

_Hey, Jake just broke the news. What is going on?_

We were walking to the car in silence when he texted back.

_I have to leave town until the case is over. After everything that has happened, I didn't want you alone. I found a place to rent down in La Push for you to stay in. jake offered to stay with you and I trust him. Be safe Bells. I may not be back for a long time. Call or txt me. _

I stared at the phone. He must have gotten a lot faster at texting or had that prepared ahead of time. I texted him my curiosity.

_Hahaha I saved it to my drafts this morning. GTG. the precinct. 3_

The heart threw me for a moment, I wasn't used to seeing my father show any emotion. "My dad offered to have you stay with me... by ourselves?" I asked Jake, my mind not comprehending waht was going on. My dad was willingly letting me, stay with a guy, on our own, for an extended perios of time?

"Yeah," he responded, "he didn't want you to be alone. But if you keep running off on your own like this I am going to have to tie you to my leg." A real smile grew on my face, a small one, but it was real. "About time I got you to smile, I am getting rusty."

We finally reached his car and we clambered in, soaked to the bone. Jake started the engine and blasted the heat. He began pulling away before I asked where we were heading. "Not too far from your house. It is a little condo, you dad's friend owns it but he never uses it." I nodded in understanding. "I promise to clean up after myself," Jake promised.

"You're going to have to travel a lot farther to get to school," I said realizing how much this was going to affect his life and realizing how much of a pest I was being.

"That's not true," Jake stated. A sly smile spreading across his face. "I got my father to let me transer to your school." His smile was so large it seemed to split his face.

"How did you manage to do that?" My disbelief marred my tone, which seemed to please Jake. He launched into an explanation of how my dad had spoken with Billy and how Jake had listened in. It was all Jake's idea, and both my dad and his dad agreed to it. Jake's smile was filled with self-satisfaction. I was amazed by Jake's determination to get his way, and it showed in my face.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Trees passed by in a blur. Occassionally I thought I saw a flash of a person amongst the foliage, but I chalked it up to my imagination.

The condo was within a few blocks of my house. "You weren't kidding when you said it was close," I said. My mood has significantly gotten better since Jake found me. "Thanks for all of this Jake, it is really too much." Jake grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"It is never a problem Bells," he said as he cut the engine to the car. We got out and moved to the trunk to get our stuff. Jake took all the bags, even after my protests, and shut the trunk.

"Show off," I muttered under my breath. I began to follow Jake when he froze. I looked up. Standing at the doorstep was the guy who had broken my heart.

"Well look who we have here," Jake growled. Then my world spun, and two warm arms caught me before my world went black.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I have no clue how or why I wrote this chapter right after posting the last one but I want to get to the grit of the story. It is short, but I didn't want to drag it out and want to get down to the character personality shifts. I am also taking ideas. So Bella can do a few things: drugs, sex (and lots of it), the oh-so-typical-and-easy-for-me-to-write angsty cut herself thing, or she can turn into a bad ass who does it all or some or anything you guys want. So please comment/review/message me what you gusy think. I want like 10-15 suggestions so I can decide on what I really end up doing. PLEASE REVIEW!\**

Chapter 5

_ I dreamt of flowers. Fields upon fields of flowers. From lilies to carnations, as far as I could see. It was peaceful, tranquil. I was laying amongst the buds, staring at the white puffs of clouds, when the sky went dark. Tha air became cold and the wind howled. Dark cloouds blacked out the sky and thunder shook the ground. _

_ I sat up, fear saturating my being. Darkness engulfed my world, and all traces of peace were eliminated and replaced with anxiety. I had the strongest feeling of being watched. Slowly I stood up, the wind bit at my exposed arms and blew my dress' skirt up around me. My eyes darted in every direction, attempting to locate what or who was watching me. _

_ Without warning, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. An icy hand gripped my shoulder as cool, sweet smelling breath reached my nose. "Bella, wake up!"_

My eyelids fluttered open to a blurry image of Jake. Something soft rested beneath my head. My vision focused, and I could see the worry lines on Jake's face.

"Bella, are you ok?" Jake asked, he face within inches of mine.

"You don't have to get so close to her," He said. His voice was icy and the mere sound of it seemed to stab at my heart.

"I am ok," I answered Jake. He pulled me into a bear hug and then told me to try to sit up. "Really Jake, I am ok. I don't know what came over me."

"How could you be so reckless Isabella," He said. His tone dripping with hostility. "How could you go to him?"

I sat up slowly. "You said you were leaving, you siad you didn't want me. What does it matter who I go running off to? Beisides, Jake is kind to me!" My voice raised continually until it was a controlled yell. "Now get the hell out of here before I call the cops and cause a whole load of shit for you."

Jake held my hand, and his grip tightended. "Get the fuck out of here Cullen. You hurt her, you don't deserve her." Jake's voice was a snarl. I knew he didn't like Him but I had no clue his animosity went so far.

"This is not your fight, dog. You are no safer for her." I grew angrier by the second. I shot to my feet, my desire to strike him reaching a peak.

"You have no right to even talk to Jake!" I yelled, my anger taking over. "You have no say in what I do, the people I hang out, or any other part of my life! You relinquished that right when you dumped me." I grabbed my bag and Jake's hand and stormed past Him.

"I love you Bella," He saidm his voice so soft I harldy heard him.

"I will never believe that again," I said, my voice hard. "I would believe that I was the reincarnation of God himself, before I believed that."

Jake opened the door to the condo and we walked inside and shut the door. That was not at all how I had wanted that to go... Not one bit at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Holy shit, I just realized that my story was beyond messed up and made no sense. That is what happens when you leave it for a really long time and go back to it thinking you know exactly where you left off. Lesson definitely learned. Ok so now that I know what is going on, I will be adding on more tonight if I like the chapter I am about to write. Wish me luck, and I fixed this chapter, hopefully... **

Chapter 3

It's been three and a half months since that day. The day he left. Well he never really left, more like just left the role as my knight in shining armor. But he was still physically there and he was as annoying as ever.

I was still confused as to why he stayed, if he wanted to torture me, or some other sadistic reason. We never once talked since that day, but he continually tried. Take now for instance.

" Isabella Marie Swan! You cannot act this immature. You can't just change your appearance, your attitude, group of friends and not expect me to worry!" He quickened his pace so that he could swing around in front of me.

I tried to walk around him but he constantly moved himself into my way, and I felt my blood beginning to boil under my skin. I fought to keep my temper under control, something I was definitely not used to doing in my lifetime. My cheeks, usually burning from embarrassment, began to ignite with rage. Invisible flames danced across my skin, my cheeks color rivaling that of cherry tomatoes.

"I can do whatever the hell I want to," I hissed out, my fists clenching at my sides. The urge to lash out was almost overwhelming me, but the knowledge that it would do absolutely nothing, other than maybe break a few bones in my hand, held me back.

"You can't just do this, people are worried Bella." His eyes roamed my face. I could smell him, and fought to repress all the memories I had. Memories of us holding hands, kissing, of him stopping me before I fell by catching me.

"Do you think I give a rat's ass about that?" My voice was controlled, surprising me seeing as how heated I was. I stepped around him and continued walking but now with a new goal in mind.

"You would never act like this! What is going on? You owe me at least an answer."

I froze in my tracks. Wheeling around I looked at him, glaring at him, wishing he would die underneath my gaze. "I owe you nothing. I made no promise asshole," my word came out dripping with venom and malice. "You mean nothing to me, this town means nothing to me. I changed my look, big fucking whoopdidoo. Here's some advice; firstly get a life, stop trying to control mine. Face it, I'm a different person. Now accept that fact and move on. Secondly, next time you try to use and abuse a girl, don't. Because one day it's going to bite you in the ass. Thirdly, stay the hell away from me, because I don't want anything to do with you after what you did to me."

My car was in sight after a few seconds of walking and I felt like I was in the clear. But as soon as I felt that surge of accomplishment, a had clamped down on my shoulder and held me firmly in place. Edward was breathing down my neck, keeping his anger in check. "You can't just keep walking away from me."

My hands took on a mind of their own as they began clenching at my side. "Well," I stated calmly my hands twitching with the urge to beat the shit out of him, "I guess you know how it feels now." I ripped my shoulder out of his grasp and continued to make my way to the car.

Slipping the key into the keyhole and cranking on the engine, I could hear Edward yelling at me from outside my door.

"Please Bella, be rational! You can't keep acting like a child!" His voice was echoing inside my head. I fought between crying and running him over with my car. I could feel my blood boiling, and tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. Time slowed down as I pulled out of the parking lot. Pain settled in my intestines like a rock and I felt the beginning of a serious sob session coming on.

I was near a path in the forest that was just big enough to drive down. I turned left and the trail was right in front of me. Two or three miles in I stopped the car. In my glove compartment was my relaxation bag, the one that I used when things got too intense or too much for me. I pulled it out, and felt the numbness already sinking in. What was coming was the one thing that now defined my entire being.

The blade fit perfectly in my hands, the make shift handle resting in my palm as if to shake my hand. I sighed in relief as I placed the blade to my arm and pulled. Red tears burst from my skin, the only sign that I had been hurt. My skin cried for me as I created another piece of artwork, the design forming slowly but beautifully. A small butterfly flying by a wilted rose became my inspiration. The blood began dripping and I stepped out of the car to finish my painting. The picture was gorgeous and I could do nothing but stare at it. I felt a slight throbbing, only two minutes after I had finished. I could already tell it was going to hurt badly in the next couple of hours. Normally the pain remained absent for fifteen or twenty minutes.

I had not realized how upset I was. But now that my dirty deed was done, a relief fell over me and I finally felt at peace for the first time that day. I was sickened by my weakness, my inability to prevent him from getting to me. I was tired of having to run away because I could not hurt him. It was time for things to change, a change that would leave him powerless. But how could I do anything to him? I looked down at my watch and saw the time. I was already late and Jake was sure to be upset, especially since he had stayed home from school because he was sick. He knew I would face _him_ alone.

I put on my sweater, not caring if it got blood on the inside, and got back into my truck. The rest of the drive home was in a content silence.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Not going to lie, had no clue this story was going to go this wa until about 3 minutes ago. Well hope you guys like it... PLEASE review! I need suggestions or critiques!**

Chapter 6

As I had predicted, Jake was freaking out when I got home. He was trying to control his anger when I walked through the door. When his eyes met mine, he froze midsentence.

"What happened?" He asked, worry replacing his anger. "What did that bloodsucker do to you?"

I had long since known Jake was a werewolf. It had scared the shit out of me when I found out, especially since the first time he shifted was right in front of me.

We had been in Portland, just shopping. We walked past a group of bikers, they shouted rude and obscene comments at me, and we kept walking. Later that night, while we sat in the woods in the back of our condo, Jake brought it up. He was talking about how much it bothered him when he just snapped. Out of nowhere, he started yelling, and within seconds his skin had burst from his body, replaced with fur. His figure had morphed into that of a giant wolf, his russet coat glistening in the moonlight as my screams ricocheted off the trees around me.

I had sprinted farther into the woods. I lost track of Jake, he was no doubt more freaked out than I was. I had sprinted for what felt like hours and was thoroughly lost when I fell and cut my arm against a rock. The pain brought my mind into focus, the first time I realized the power pain had, and my initiation into cutting, because although I had not cut myself, the idea was then planted in my head. I grabbed the sharp rock and continued raking it against my wrist, the blood flowing freely now.

Sam found me that night and brought me to the hospital. They stitched my arm and sent me home. Jake was torn up about it, but we worked through it together, and growing closer.

"He talked to me, as always," I said. The throbbing in my arm was growing worse with each passing minute. I could see Jake sniffing the air and I cursed his super human sense of smell.

"You cut again didn't you?" He asked, his voice filled with anger, not at me but at Edward. Jake moved towards me in calm strides, pushing his anger down, the effort of which showed clearly on his face. A line formed between his eyebrows as they knitted together as he gingerly took my left arm in his massive hand. I could feel his heat through my sweater.

"You're going to have to take it off," he said. "Otherwise pulling the sleeve up will only aggravate it even more." He looked into my eyes.

I returned his gaze. "I don't have a shirt on underneath, only a bra," I said.

Jake smiled for the first time since I came home. "It has never stopped you before," he said with a slight chuckle. I shrugged in agreement and gingerly moved my arm out of the sweater and pulled it over my head.

Despite having done this before, my cheeks grew red with embarrassment. I couldn't bring myself to look at Jake, only the blood that formed my masterpiece.

"Well," he began, "you sure are getting more intricate." His voice was even, but I could tell it bothered him that he wasn't enough comfort to me to stop the cutting. My heart constricted when I thought of the pain I must cause him. I looked away in shame as he took his own bag out of the cabinet. Mine was filled with knifes and blades to hurt myself, his was filled with bandages, creams, and things meant to heal me.

He began to clean my arm, the burning making me want to squirm and wince, but I stood stock still. "You know I can still tell it hurts by the way your muscles contract, right? You don't have to always be so strong," I turned my head back to face him and saw him staring at me.

"I-" I stopped. I didn't know how to respond. The way he looked at me made my mind go blank. I could feel my pulse accelerating as he continued to look into my eyes. I felt like I could melt into him. He broke my trance by looking back down to wrap my arm. When he finished he moved to put everything away. The lack of his body heat made me feel unnaturally cold, even for standing there in only my bra.

"By the way," he called from the kitchen, "I like that bra." I clushed furiously as I looked down at my bra. It was a purple satin covered with intricate black lace and a jewel dangled in the middle. I stayed rooted to the spot, not only confused by why Jake would say that, but also as to why I had reacted to him looking at me so strongly. Obviously we had looked at each other before, but I had never felt so lost in his eyes. I had never felt like I was melting. I had never... noticed how beautiful he was.

Jake peered around the corner at me and noticed I was still rooted to the spot I had been standing in. Worry took over his face as he walked towards me. He cupped the side of my face, and without thinking I nuzzled his hand. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his warmth.

Jake smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. My heart pounded erratically and I could not believe my reactions to him. We stood in each others embrace for what felt like an eternity, and I had no desire to move. I placed the side of my face to his chest and listened to the strong pulse of his heart. He smelled like musk and forest, and I felt comforted, he smelled like home. I buried my face deeper into his chest.

"Bells," he whispered into my hair so quietly I barely heard him. I pulled to look back into his eyes and saw something I couldn't place.

"Jake I h-" I was cut off by the phone ringing. We both snapped our heads in that direction, and Jake moved to answer it. I bolted to my room to put on a shirt. I could hear his voice from beyond the door, but not well enough to make out what was being said.

I pulled a tank top over my head and walked out to see who had called. Jake was sitting on the couch with his head cradled in his hands. My heart froze. Something was wrong. "Jake," I whispered.

He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. I began backing away, towards the door. "Bella," he said, his voice hitching. "Bella I am so sorry." I shook my head, not understanding what was being said. "Charlie," I froze. No, it couldn't be. "He was shot." Hope. Stupid, meaningless hope. He could be okay, he could be in the hospital getting better. "He didn't make it." Dead. My dad was dead,


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I am so sorry for such a long hiatus. But with the deaths in my family and life changing so much I lost my inspiration for the story. Eventually my original idea was kaput. But I hate leaving things unfinished. So, I wrote this snippit. If people like it I will continue the story, if not then onto other things I guess. **

My entire world fell around me as words echoed in my mind. _He didn't make it_. I could feel all my muscles clench in agony as the words set it. My face contorted in the physical pain I felt. _Dad? He can't be dead. He can't. He must just be in the hospital. He is fine. He is…_

Warm arms enveloped me. Jacob's body heat broke through my mantra, his apology ringing in my ear, confirming my worst fears. I stumbled away from him, to the nearest wall and slid down, the cold dry wall felt like the only thing holding me to this weird world, a world without my father.

Jacob's hands grabbed my head and held it in place, I could feel something warm dripping down my neck, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I couldn't care, I couldn't breath, and I couldn't face a world without Charlie.

My breaths came in short pants; spots began to dance across my vision as tears blurred the world around me. Before I know it I slip under, the pain ceasing as a blank nothingness settled over my mind.

Six months. It was six months before I could smile again. The funeral was immense; all the police officers came, even from other counties. They paid their respects. At no point was my father's casket unguarded, even over night two officers were stationed to look over him. A full service funeral, and none of it could bring my daddy back. He was truly gone, and the loss hovered over me, an oppressing force that never let me forget. It settled in my chest like a rock, a disease that sucked the joy from my life.

I didn't speak for weeks after I delivered my father's eulogy. There were no words to say. Teachers left me alone and I did my work. I packed away our house; his and my life packed away into boxes and put in the attic of my condo. Jacob tried to draw me out, but I withdrew even more.

My depression seemed to form a bubble around me; nobody seemed to want to penetrate it… Nothing more than an "I'm sorry" was uttered to me. I was alone except for Jacob and Billy… and Edward. He continued to watch me, Jacob continued to push him away from me, and I continued to… nothing. I continued to exist and nothing more.

Six months of nothing but a zombie-like state. That first smile felt unnatural, even more so as I watched Laurent stalk around the clearing, his blood red eyes staring into mine. He had said he would make it fast. I would finally be free of the pain, free to join my father.

The smile felt unnatural, but for the first time in six months I felt something other than the numbness that had consumed my life… I felt hope.


End file.
